In Flux

This is a weird week for me. My focus has been shot. My confidence is see-sawing between King of the World and Tiny Ant. It's taking a toll on both my personal and professional life. Sorry up front this post may not be relevant and/or interesting. I have always been a opposed to using a blog as a possible outlet for personal thoughts and feelings as well as a fuel for some small narcissistic urge to vent your problems on the world. Every now and again though I just need to indulge. Tune me out know if needed.

So I had an interview for a long term sub position at a school relatively close to Pittsburgh. It was about an hour drive from my apartment, but since my desperation for finding a job has grown I could handle nearly twice that. I spent the first half of this past week preparing myself and my materials. Unfortunately in a recent move I lost my teacher portfolio that I usually brought. This was more an annoyance then anything as it was in dire need of updating as my skill as an educator has grown immensely since I started studying at Pitt. I spent two solid days creating what I think is, to be frank, a kick ass unit plan outlining the use of a digital text Inanimate Alice (see previous post) as well as a classroom blog and a podcast project. I created about half a dozen lessons as well.

The interview went about as amazing as it possibly could. I can always tell how well I do in an interview by how much the interviewer writes down. The more they write the less interesting I seem. The principal of the school was interviewing me and she didn't write a single thing down on her little questionnaire. We were basically just having a conversation. When she asked about what I had brought I whipped out some awesome digital literacies pedagogy, (Thanks Dr. O) and thoroughly impressed her. I'm serious. She actually said "I'm very impressed" and "This is so impressive." So confidence level King of the World.

Then the waiting. Unfortunately the interviewer is never the hirer. I am convinced if I EVER get interviewed by someone who can also hire I would have the job. I have never been turned down by someone I have met. It is always someone higher up. School Board, Superintendents, people who HAVE NEVER MET ME! ALL THEY HAVE IS A PIECE OF PAPER! HOW CAN YOU JUDGE A PIECE OF PAPER!

Every job I apply for goes like this. I just manage to get an interview because the school I am applying for is far enough away or small enough that not every teacher in the tri-county area is applying for it (I actually stopped applying to North Allegheny after a friend of mine told me they had over 200 applicants for one job). My resume usually manages to get me an interview which I destroy. I am sorry, I do. I won't be modest. I have spent hours practicing. Ask my fiance! She could pretty much work for a school as an interviewer now with all the time she has put in preparing me. And it pays off. I have never left an interview feeling like anything less than a champion. The interviewer tells me that they will be making recommendations from there to the board.

And then I wait. And it's deadly. Like a knife blade slipping out of my stomach an inch per day. I don't know why it hurts the same every time. You'd think I would be used to it. So far though without fail I get that phone call a week or two weeks later saying the same thing. "You were an impressive candidate but we've decided to go with someone more local." That's code for sorry you can't tie a relation to someone on the board.

I WAS TOLD BY MY HIGH SCHOOL THEY WANTED SOMEONE MORE LOCAL!!!! I literally responded by saying "I graduated here." She apologized and thanked me for my interest.

So thats my world. I am currently still waiting to hear from California School District, but I don't have my hopes up. How can I? If I don't get this job that will make 10 interviews, 0 jobs.

0-10. Ironically that was my high school football team's record my senior year. I knew because I was at every game... you know being LOCAL and all.

Rant over. Sorry everyone. Had to be done.